from time to time even an slser has her off days. one of those "nobody likes me, i'm ugly, wah wah wahhhh" type of days. i was experiencing one of these a few weeks ago and in the midst of my toaster struedel/peanut butter/nutella binge i caught a glimpse of my reflection on the microwave and realized that although i had some chocolate smeared across my face, i still looked pretty good. so i dropped the family size serving spoon and ran over to my handy dandy notebook and compiled a list entitled "dudes that are feeling me." while i am very tempted to name names and call all you mofos out, i am a lady so i will refrain and give you thinly veiled code names. you can thank me later.
1."the ex coworker guy": the ex coworker guy is someone i worked with in the past and somehow manages to pop up in my life every once in awhile. he is super sweet, nice, and funny but i've never really felt the urge to rip his clothes off and let him do bad things to me...sober. if i ever got drunk with him and other man options were looking bleak, it might be a different story though.
2. "the stalker guy": i met this guy once or twice and after the initial meeting thought nothing of him again. apparently, he has been thinking about me because after a recent weekend run in (conversation was 3 minutes tops) he showed up unannounced at my place of business the next week and told my intern he was there to take me to coffee. thankfully i have a repertoire of well crafted lies at my disposal at a moments notice and a desk big enough to fit under so i dodged a bullet on that one.
3. "the b school bro": while we don't share the same love for higher education, we most definitely share the same love of partying. tt has been saying for awhile that the b school bro and i would make a great couple and although i was skeptical, i wouldn't mind seeing if we would make a great couple in the bedroom at least. the last time we saw mr. bro, he was chugging tequila out of a bottle...in scrubs...while simultaneously smoking a joint and lifting his scrub top up enough so the entire party could see his abs.
4. "the promoter guy": i met the promoter guy about 6 months ago at some ridiculous celeb party at seth macfarlane's house. we've mildly flirted via text but when it comes time to actually do something, in true promoter form, he flakes. so after about 3 weeks of no word from him i assumed i'd never hear from him again until about 2 weeks ago where i received 4 texts, 2 emails, and a phone call at 6:45 am. none of these correspondences mentioned doing drugs with jeremy piven so i figured they didn't warrant a response. although i have a sneaking suspicion the increase in communication attempts has something to do with britney-esque pictures of me recently posted on facebook.
5. "the guy who tried to makeout with me at brunch": this guy was awesome and i knew he was into me after i went to move my car and he told tt "i'm hella into your friend." after i was privy to this little piece of information i really turned on the charm which included showing him all my bruises and rugburns from a recent sex session, proclaiming love for all things prescribed by a doctor, and dazzling him with my extensive knowledge of indie music. the day was going great until when it came time to say goodbye he aggressively tried to makeout with me in the middle of a restaurant at 4 pm on a saturday.
so ladies, if you're ever feeling blue i would suggest putting down the pint of ice cream, picking up a pen, and compiling a list of all the dudes that are feeling you.
**editor's note: it has recently come to my attention that b school bro is no longer feeling me...he is feeling his girlfriend.**
No comments:
Post a Comment